Wednesday, September 19, 2018

The Guilt Feeling After Helping a Woman

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”(Acts 20:35, KJV) keeps reverberating in my conscious mind for I am a person who has the tendency to be helpful and generous. When I help or extend anything, I never expect something in return.  I don't understand this kind of feeling. It's however in one occasion my conscience won’t let me sleep soundly for the thing I have done to a poor woman. I feel like I am guilty because of her unexpected reaction.

The Poor and the Needy

I remember when I was a grader I happened to see a poor person who only lives by cutting hair. His clothes are worn out and he is too skinny. My mother was surprised to learn why I was worrying that something unusual happened to me while I was in school. I hugged my mother while crying and mumbling words that I really pitied that person.

I told her everything and she comforted me not to worry about that kind of person should be taken care by the government or by their own family and they won’t be allowed to wander in the street begging for money or for something to eat. “Someday when you will be successful, don’t forget to help those poor and the needy,” inspired my mother.

Remorseful and Guilty

One day at about noon, I was standing at the side of the intersection of the city streets, waiting for a service motorized tricycle to bring me to my workplace. At a distance, I saw a middle-aged old woman as to my estimate of her age. She was begging for every person she met on the street and I was one of them. The money that I had in my pocket was enough for my back-and-forth fare in going to my school. I gave it all to her and went home. I told my wife that I was absent at that day.

Before I went home, I spotted the woman to a wine store. She came with several bottles of wine. I was astounded and remorse of seeing her. I asked myself, “Have I done wrong today?” I headed home with a guilt feeling of giving a money to the woman if not I would have controlled her driving vice. I prayed to the Lord that I would be forgiven for helping other people who aren’t helping themselves.

I couldn’t sleep. My conscience is bothering. I have repented why I helped the beggar woman. My intention of extending the money is good. I want in my simple way to helping someone in need. But I was mistaken that the beggar I have helped, seemed that I dragged her to her downfall for she wasn’t helping herself at all.

Should I not give the money to the woman so that I wouldn't be bothered of my conscience? I am confused to where do I stand for it seems I am guilty.

image credits: begging woman/terimakasih0/pixabay

n.b.  repost from my original article posted in the defunct Blogbourne website. Source:
published August 9, 2016

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